


Hunting the Most Dangerous Game

by JayTDawgzone9999



Category: Space ☆ Dandy, ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Dandy just wants some woolongs, Gen, No Romance, No Sex, No Smut, and to go to Boobies of course, not exactly crack but not too serious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-15
Updated: 2018-11-15
Packaged: 2019-08-23 22:15:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16627415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JayTDawgzone9999/pseuds/JayTDawgzone9999
Summary: Space Dandy and co. hear a rumor about 3 very ancient, rare aliens on a strange blue planet they've never been to before. Eager to make more money so they can continue to go to Boobies, they jump on it quicker than a fat dog devouring a steak.





	Hunting the Most Dangerous Game

**Author's Note:**

> Space Dandy and his pals are always on the lookout for rare aliens, and there are an infinite amount of universes in Jojo thanks to Valentine's stand, so I figured, what if there was a universe where Dandy and co. try to find a certain trio of inhuman men to register and get some sweet, sweet woolong for Boobies? 
> 
> also: coif is another word for hairstyle.

"Hey, do you think this is it?" Meow asked Dandy, who was busy pretending to comb his hair, the better to distract them from how absolutely fucking broke they were and how utterly depressing it was. Nevermind that they were in the alien registration center, Dandy was never one to worry about his public image. "You think this might be the one that makes us super rich and get us out of the hole once and for all?"

The line in the alien registration center wasn't too long, so Dandy and crew were looking forward to (finally) getting money for their latest catch in a jiffy and a half. 

"I sure hope so, we spent long enough to bag to thing, and taking care of this stylish coif isn't cheap." Dandy replied.

"Well, I hope it's at least enough to pay off that fine we got for illegal parking a few days ago, we don't want to get in any more trouble with the authorities." QT added. 

"Next!" Scarlet shouted. 

That was their cue, so they took it.

"Hey babe, you'll never guess what we found today!" Dandy told Scarlet. 

She stared at Dandy for a few seconds, then at the alien, then back at Dandy.  
She did not look particularly happy. 

"Oh no, is Miss Scarlet angry again?" QT fretted. 

"Please don't hurt us, we worked real hard to get this critter!" Meow begged.

Scarlet rubbed her temples in exasperation.  
These idiots has really wasted her time this trip. 

"You idiots!" she yelled, slamming her hand on the desk. "This isn't rare at all!"

"It isn't?" QT squeaked.

No! This is a Kaxtonian, one of exactly 300 million present at the moment! This barely nets anything!"

"Uh-oh." Dandy said. 

"The bounty for one of these is only 2 woolongs, but since processing fees have increased, you three aren't getting anything for this. Now get out of here and don't come back until you actually catch something that's worth something!"

"Waaaaaaaaauuugh!" 

"Damn, she's a cold stone bitch." Dandy said after they were all literally kicked out of the alien registration center and they were all chilling on the Aloha Oe. 

"Don't you mean-oh, never mind." QT said. 

"Hey, guys, I just found some intel on these really rare aliens!" Meow exclaimed after checking his phone.

"This better not be one of those stupid tabloid things." Dandy whined.

" I swear, it isn't, the source is as reliable as it gets. The World Universal Galactic Alien Registry, they got all the latest info." 

"Oh yeah, then tell me where are they? And what are they?" Dandy demanded.

"Well, they've just been discovered, so there's not a lot of info on them yet except they're on a very isolated backwater planet-starts with an e or an a or something, I don't know, and they're super strong, like for real, so the prize for capturing them is 100,000,000,000 woolongs."

 

"Woah, how many zeroes is that? That's gotta be at least 4 or 5 zeroes!" Dandy shouted, leaping in the air like a dramatic ballerina, but dandier, of course. 

"Technically, you are correct." QT said. 

"Man, normally, I'd be more suspicious about all of this, but we've been flat broke for almost a month and a half now, so if we can get that much, I'll take it!" Dandy said, ripping off his shirt in excitement at the prospect of finally having some money again. 

QT helpfully reminded him to cover up, since being as emaciated as he was from lack of food, it was harder to stay warm. 

After Dandy got a spare shirt and jacket from his closet, QT also added that there was no time to waste, since their illegal parking fine was 5 days overdue at this point. 

"Shit, you're right, QT! Warp drive, let's go!" Dandy yelled, punching in the coordinates as well as he remembered them, hoping for the best and not at all prepared for the worst (or, hell, at this point, anything else either, considering how broke they were.) 

Either way, they set off on their journey, totally unaware and unprepared for what was to come. 

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Shit, what the hell's going on here!" a German soldier yelled, looking at the rock wall in the cave in confusion and more than a little fear. "Dammit, this doesn't look right, watch out guys!" 

"Calm down, it's fine, we have plenty of UV lights, they can't move!" another soldier replied. 

On the wall of rock illuminated by UV lights in front of them, there appeared to be 3 large, well-built men encased in it, as if they were sleeping. Neither the german soliders nor the men in the stone would be able to guess what was in store for them. 

 

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Hey, QT, what's wrong with our warp drive?!" Dandy asked when the Aloha Oe began shaking.

Oh, I tried to update it, the update went successfully, so the speed has greatly increased, but the accuracy may have suffered a bit." QT chimed in. 

"Well, it better not be too off kilter, this head of hair isn't easy to keep in pristine condition." Dandy told him, a hand smoothing out his hair as he spoke. 

"Woah, QT, are you sure this thing isn't broken?" Meow yelled as the Aloha Oe began shaking more. 

"Hey, don't criticize me, all I did was follow the instructions in my manual!" QT yelled back. 

As the three of them hurtled towards a strange blue planet, it never occurred to them that what they would find after landing there might be far scarier than the landing itself. 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" the German soldiers in the cave screamed before a giant spaceship crashed, killing them all in a single instant. 

Since the Aloha Oe ended up crushing all the German soliders, most of the UV lights got covered in their blood, making it hard to see in the cave.

"Holy shit, where are we? It's way dark in here!" Dandy said.

" I believe we have arrived at our destination, the planet known as Earth." QT helpfully replied. "Though I'm not sure we got the exact coordinates right, it looks like we crashed so hard we ended up underground in this weird cave." 

"Damn, baby, looks like the Aloha Oe's toast. I hope there's somewhere we can get the ship repaired on this planet." Dandy responded.

Though they managed to survive the crash, the Aloha Oe was as dead as all the German soldiers it fell on top of. 

"So how're we gonna find these aliens?" Dandy asked. 

"Man, you guys are blind, look over here, this might be them!" Meow said, being the only one with any sort of decent night vision when he noticed the rock wall. 

"Hey, we can't all be cats." Dandy said. 

" I told you, I'm not a cat, I'm a Betelgeusian!" Meow complained. 

"Uh, guys? Guys? Something's moving. The ground is starting to shake!" QT warned them.

"Huh-waaaaaaaaah!" Dandy and Meow yelled when one of the men in the wall broke free. 

"Hmm. It seems humanity has devolved significantly." The tall man now standing (technically posing, but none of them were perceptive enough to notice) in front of them said. 

"Hey, I thought the report said there were 3 of them." QT said.

"Well, don't blame me, it was a new report, it just came out a few hours ago!" Meow replied. 

"Welp, how do we even know this dude is a rare alien, he just looks like a giant half naked human. Plus there's only one, so he must not be one the aliens then, let's get out of here." Dandy said, accidentally stepping on Wamuu's shadow when he turned to look for an exit. 

"Divine Sandstorm!" Wamuu yelled. 

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

 

The End


End file.
